BIP vs The Greens

Dear BIP Member,

It has come to my attention that nothing is mentioned about the carbon footprint of the said organisation.

In order for BIP to trade in the lucrative trade in carbon offsets alternative means needs to be found to significantly reduce BIPs carbon footprint.

Having a braai for the proposed 60 - 100 people will produce as much carbon as the Old Athlone power station produced in 1 minute during the height of its carbon belching energy production. In addition to the carbon pollution, there is also the destruction of our imported naturalized Aussie Port Jackson trees as well as the problem of burying the said carbon underground which increases the carbon footprint of your area.

Let me suggest 3 alternative means to braai:

1. Nuclear power. 1 spent fuel rod from Koeberg could supply said braai with enough heat for the next 40 000years without having to refill or burn anything. It would solve any health ailment and no uncomfortable vasectomy will need to be performed. (Heavy lead aprons are optional for those who want 3 headed offspring). Electricity will be saved as the meat will glow in the dark with an environmentally appropriate green tinge requiring no artificial light to illuminate the dinner table. 
2. Wind Power. Your area has enough wind to use turbine generators to create electricity which would heat elements in the converted braai. Each Braai owner is required to invest in one of these R40 000 wind turbine generators. The larger the braai the larger the generator. From the size of the windmill and the wosshing sound it makes one could easily conduct a lifestyle audit without having to go though complicated forensic investigations. 
3. Braai a highbrid. If these options do not fit your pocket one can always braai on a highbrid vehicle parked at your Beach. The aroma of burnt paint , oil & rubber will add to the taste to the meat. The Carbon footprint of burning such vehicle will be considerably less than that of older jalopies. I suggest that prospective BIP members targeting this method of braaing should consider the Toyota Prius. These vehicles have several defects such as braking, steering and accelerating (buy themselves) I am sure that owners of these vehicles would only be too glad to have them burnt as an offering for the greater good while claiming back from their insurance. 

I trust that the above discussion would be useful in further academic debate around, "Braaing and Global Warming: In the incomplete chop"

Yours in fire and smoke
The BIP Groupie