The dangers of vegetarian braaing

Dear Driedfish,

I feel a strong need to reflect on my recent experience of vegetarian braaing, which has threatened to scar me for life. I have long been suspicious of vegetarian braaing, as I normally have very little in common with vegetarians. Most of my popular braai topics such as the merits of rare steak or lightly marinated lamb chops somewhat fall flat in my braai discussions with vegetarians.

Be that as it may, some of my best friends are quasi-vegetarians. Knowing that I have yet to attain veggie braaimeester status I thought it would be a very good idea to be ultimately prepared for this braai. My friend had reluctantly agree to try chicken so long as it didn’t look  or taste like chicken. I therefore prepared a marinade for ‘chicken tikka tikka’ – the usual yoghurt, turmeric, garlic, roasted sesame seeds number. After the lemon doused chicken pieces were threaded onto bamboo sticks and submerged in luminescent yellow marinade for a few hours, there was very little to indicate that this was a chicken dish.  I then marinated a few lamb chops in garlic, rosemary and olive oil just in case the vegetarian side of things proved inedible.

My piece de resistance however was taken from a Frenchie barbecue recipe for vegetarian sausages. This involved...

Embarrassing Learning Curves

As BIP professionals, I feel it is important to acknowledge our inner fears and failings as a conscious reflective strategy for improvement of our braai skills. I wish to place on record two 'incidents' in which I felt that I was not in control.

Re: Lost braaigrid

Dear braaimeester

My office has recently been alerted to my involvement in a BIP process, and they are somewhat in awe of this process. This has led to to braai documentation gleaned from international best practice to be forwarded to me.

The will to braai

Dear Ladel of Dreb

Following our exploration into the vortex of experiential braaing, I would like to offer the following reflection based on braaing practice. Last Friday, I prepared for the weekly BIP ritual. Being somewhat world weary, I bought the following braai items from Woolworths:

• 1 rump steak 
• 8 lamb chops 
• 1 roll of lamb sausage 
• 1 packet baby potatoes (with garlic butter added) 
• 1 tinfoil container filled with a range of sweet pepper, butternut and onion 
• 1 packet brown mushrooms and pre-mashed garlic 
• 1 camembert and 1 brie together with water crackers 
• 1 Malva pudding and fresh custard 
• 2 packets chocolate balls 
• 1 packet Woolworths briquettes and firelighters 

I lit the fire at roughly 18h00 and rebuffed my daughter's offer of help in making the braai. I sheepishly explained that it didn't need two people to light a firelighter and pour briquettes over the paraffin. As per BIP custom, I burned the grid off, but with glowing briquettes, it didn't really seem to burn off that well. At 18h45, I switched the stove on and placed microwaveable potatoes in a clay pot with the garlic butter into the oven. I added a tinfoil container of vegetables, soaked in olive oil. I then prepared the mushrooms by cutting them in half, adding a basil rocket pesto and garlic, adding them to tinfoil and folding the tinfoil packet tightly.