Legitimacy of the Weber

Dear Dreb

I hope you are well and taking advantage of the clement weather to further improve your braaing skills. This is not the purpose of my communication to you however. I fear this may be one of last letters to you as the co-founder of BIP as I have discovered an inconvenient truth that threatens my entire identity as a braaimeester.

As you are aware, I have over the years engaged in robust debate as to whether the Weber is a legitimate form of braaing. As you will have also noted, my position has always been that of diehard support for the Weber as an ultimate braaing machine. I can no longer hold to this belief and hereby declare myself a fraudulent braaimeester. This is deeply embarrassing. I have not previously had the courage to publicly out myself as a fraudster, but have decided against my own better judgement that this is the only ethical path to take.  

Over a month ago, we decided to give our oven a vigorous clean. After a few hours and several changes of clothes, we were immensely impressed with the  sparkling state of our rejuvenated oven. I couldn’t wait for supper time and gleefully switched the oven on to 220 degrees Celsius, which promptly flicked the entire house into darkness. During the oven cleaning it appears that we irrevocably wrecked the element. After repeated disco displays of lights flashing on and off to the tune of our oven switch, I realised that I had to cook the evening meal in the Weber.

I fired the Weber up and browned my onions and mushrooms  - fortunately the stove top still worked. I then made a white cheese sauce and boiled macaroni.  After layering the pasta and adding bacon to ensure that the meal had at least one meat, I placed the casserole pot into the Weber in between the divided coals. After half an hour I checked it and the edges of the macaroni looked suitably braaied but otherwise it looked exactly as if it had come out of the oven. It was only then that that the thudding realization hit me that the Weber is an Oven. I nearly fell over and had to hold on to my overweight Labrador for support while I held back a sob at my own ultimate betrayal. Since then, I have used the Weber nearly daily as an oven and have cooked pork chops in a baking tray with sliced sweet potatoes, apples and potatoes smothered in a garlic, rosemary, olive and lemon juice marinade; roast beef and potatoes, and chicken pieces with courgettes and pineapple. I could go on but at this stage I need to draw the threadbare strands  of my shattered feelings close around the iciness of my heart.

After our oven was fixed, I walked outside and placed the Weber cover over my oven machine. I realise that I have fooled myself and my friends for years and can only beg for your forgiveness and mercy.

As a gesture of my humility, I would now like to invite you to an oven baked supper. The starters will be baked, rosemary-smoked aubergines smashed into a pate with olive oil and garlic accompanied by home baked bread. The main course will be macaroni and for dessert I will serve oven baked biscuits gently smoked with thyme. This will give you an opportunity to update me on your recent braaing feats and we can discuss the international ramifications of my fraud for BIP.

My deepest apologies

Shayfish

(Formerly BIP-Deep South)

What is a South African braai?

Dear Drebster

It has been a while since we last communicated on the Braai Improvement Process (BIP). I have recently had some space to ponder and wonder if BIP can be truly classified as a South African based international organisation. As you may have noticed our BIP blog is now receiving communication from foreigners commenting on the South African braai experience. What made me sit up was that this communication was well informed and beautifully written.

I have therefore decided to take a brutal look at BIP and reflect on whether we are in fact the leading authority on South African braais. In this past week, I only managed to braai on four of the days. I was tempted to blame the weather for this, but foreign guests reading this may accuse of me being a wimp. Having then consciously chosen to braai on 4 weekdays, my research question stands – What is a South African braai?

On Day 1, I chose to braai steak, boerewors (spiced sausage) and a spatchcock (splayed) chicken. I baked potatoes and butternut as a side dish for the meat. Of these ingredients, butternut and boerewors could be described as South African foods, but even these are well known internationally. I cooked the chicken in my Weber using firelighters (paraffin) and briquettes, which any European or American could have done. I also used firelighters and Namibian hardwood (Kameldoring) for the steak and boerewors. I should have used my local Cape Times newspaper to start the fire.

On Day 2, I braaied pork ribs and baked a try of roast vegetables. At this stage, I had run out of firelighters and ended up chopping wood with a hand axe and using newspaper. I was very impressed with this and felt decidedly macho. Unfortunately no-one at home was witness to this affirmation of my masculinity. Pork ribs cannot be described as South African.

On Day 3, I decided to cook a waterblommetjie (water lilies) bredie in my potjie (three legged iron pot). As usual I used firelighters and briquettes. For the meat, I used Namibian mutton and cooked this with rosemary, garlic, onions, chicken stock and white wine. The white wine was South African. After 2 hours, I added the South African waterblommetjies, lemon rind and lemon juice. I then made Basmati rice. Basmati rice is genetically modified and non-South African. I chose to ignore the faint grittiness of the waterblommetjies and braved my family’s derisive comments that I had not soaked the blommetjies in salt water for long enough.

On Day 4, I marinated a 2.5 kg leg of lamb with rosemary, garlic, South African Old Brown sherry and a pinch of Starbucks coffee. The coffee eradicates any metallic taste of the sherry. I then used a divided fire in my Weber to roast this for 2 hours. I then opened two tubs of humus, made tzatziki, and guacamole (mashed avocados). I served this with heated pita breads. At least the sherry was South African.

It causes me great sadness to admit that not one of these braais could be described as South African, with the possible exception of the waterblommetjie bredie. As a founder member of BIP and a South African braaimeester, I have had to think very carefully about my response to this crisis.

I would now like to propose the following definition of the South African braai, which I feel should be part of the BIP Constitution.

Any braai that uses one locally produced South African ingredient can be called a South African braai. The term ‘ingredient’ also applies to the entire braai (braai structure, wood, food, braai drinks, etc.).

BIP recognises that all of humanity originates from Africa and as a part of Africa we can therefore claim the right to braai any food subsequently developed by any person or nation and call it South African.

We acknowledge that we are a cross-cultural country and BIP recognises that South Africa is the ultimate braai nation with unique approaches not found elsewhere in the world. We applaud best South African braai practices, such as cooking ‘smileys’ (lamb jawbone) with an acetylene torch.

I feel that the addition of this definition to our constitution will prevent us from any critique be it local or international and allow BIP to take its rightful place as the leading visionary for South African braais within a globalised world.

Sincerely

Shayfish
Quasi-Deep South Region

Communal braaing

Dear Driedfish,

I feel it is imperative that BIP considers some health and safety guidelines for communal or mass braaing. If we fail in this, we may well compromise our worldwide Braai Improvement Process (BIP) movement. I would like to offer the following example of a recent communal braai that I attended.

I was required to attend a parent’s campout night at a local school by my five year old daughter and my wife. Albeit reluctant, I agreed to this relentless pressure. I arrived at Hollow School with my new tent in tow and proceeded to try and erect it in a howling South-Easter gale.

Braai the beloved country

Having freshly arrived back from a holiday in the Eastern Cape, which involved a significant number of braais, I feel compelled to inform BIP of the fact that radically different braai cultures exist within our beloved country. Whilst this is not necessarily a bad thing, I do feel that we need to include a guide to braaing food in an edible way within our BIP manual.

As the following BIP case studies involve people that we actually know, I have changed their names to protect their braaing prowess.

Psycho-social braaing

Dear Dreb Jr,

I would like to formally thank you for yet another fabulous BIP missive , which I unfortunately only received yesterday. I myself have been reflecting on the meaning of braais recently and have come to the conclusion that they are psycho-social cultural events. To explain how I arrived at this conclusion, I offer the following applied research case study.

During the last weekend, I spent Friday and Sunday amusing Australians. On Saturday, I spent time with my sister to take a break from amusing Australians. Part of my amusement strategy was to braai for the Australians - I did inform them about BIP, but announced that BIP membership was not open to Australians or anyone else who uses the word "barbecue" to describe braaing.

Rere: Lost braaigrid

Dear Sidefish

Last night was a braai scheduled a week in advance following the late cancellation of an impromptu braai last week that was also cancelled. The person who was hosting the braai had been with flu and i the guest was scared of his germs and my families imune systems.

We had already puchased the meat: 3 marinatid pork sosaties, 4 lamb chops and so it came to be about 5 in the evening when it was proposed that making a fire was a "las" and that grilling the meat in the oven was the prefered method of preperation. I announced immediatly to my wife that this would need to be reported to BIP, and thus is this the content of this email message to you as a proud founding member of BIP.

She said that was Ok, but I was not so sure. some tense moments passed and then I gave in to the oven. whether to cook the meat on the pan or by placing on the grill thereby allowing the fat to drip through to the pan (which bends when it heats up so the fat can leak into the oven floor) - the grill won that debate.

Re: Lost braaigrid

Dear braaimeester

My office has recently been alerted to my involvement in a BIP process, and they are somewhat in awe of this process. This has led to to braai documentation gleaned from international best practice to be forwarded to me.