The will to braai

Dear Ladel of Dreb

Following our exploration into the vortex of experiential braaing, I would like to offer the following reflection based on braaing practice. Last Friday, I prepared for the weekly BIP ritual. Being somewhat world weary, I bought the following braai items from Woolworths:

• 1 rump steak 
• 8 lamb chops 
• 1 roll of lamb sausage 
• 1 packet baby potatoes (with garlic butter added) 
• 1 tinfoil container filled with a range of sweet pepper, butternut and onion 
• 1 packet brown mushrooms and pre-mashed garlic 
• 1 camembert and 1 brie together with water crackers 
• 1 Malva pudding and fresh custard 
• 2 packets chocolate balls 
• 1 packet Woolworths briquettes and firelighters 

I lit the fire at roughly 18h00 and rebuffed my daughter's offer of help in making the braai. I sheepishly explained that it didn't need two people to light a firelighter and pour briquettes over the paraffin. As per BIP custom, I burned the grid off, but with glowing briquettes, it didn't really seem to burn off that well. At 18h45, I switched the stove on and placed microwaveable potatoes in a clay pot with the garlic butter into the oven. I added a tinfoil container of vegetables, soaked in olive oil. I then prepared the mushrooms by cutting them in half, adding a basil rocket pesto and garlic, adding them to tinfoil and folding the tinfoil packet tightly.

I then braaied a rump steak, which unfortunately ended up slightly overdone. I sliced this up as a starter, but of the four people attending this braai, there was no-one around to eat it, so it got cold. I then braaied the lamb chops and wors. By this time, there seemed to be some interest in the food, which was laid out on the dining room table. Two more guests then joined, which was unexpected but there was sufficient food.

I then served the heated Malva pudding, a cheese board and chocolate balls. People appreciated the meal and then went off or to bed.

Sitting staring at the dying briquette pellets, a frightening statement arose from deep within my hitherto unconscious thoughts, namely - "Have I lost the political will to braai?" Being a BIP devotee, I refused to shrink from the enormity of this life-challenging question and sat closer to the braai. I reflected on my process and concluded the following:

1. Not every meal cooked on a fire can be classified as a braai. In this case, all vegetables and dessert were cooked in the oven, which is a cop out. 
2. Briquettes undermine the very notion of manhood, particularly when you rip open the heavy duty paper and then gently tear open the plastic lining supplied in Wollies briquettes (in case you get your hands dirty). If you can't make a fire, don't braai. 
3. The only thing cooked on the braai was meat and looking at this, I realised that I might as well have used a griddle pan on the stove. 
4. There was no community of practice for this braai - I as the BIP representative took charge, but there was no accompanying adulation (let alone ululation). In short, if one's community absents themselves from the braai, can this be classified as a braai? 
5. The only real preparation for this braai was cutting mushrooms in half. Can this be classified as cooking, let alone braaing, or was I merely warming up a post-capitalist notion of what dominant wholesale and retail companies have decided that the South African braai consists of? 
6. There was no element of ritual or even of cross-cultual diversity present in this fiasco. My braaing ancestry goes back to over 2000 BC, whereby Irish druids would dam a stream, heat huge granite boulders, roll them into the water and boil a cow. My daughter's ancestry goes back much further and in fact draws on one of the finest braaing traditions known to mankind. 

Based upon this experiential action-reflection exercise, I have made the following fundamental realisations.

• I have lost touch with the quintessential essence of braaing. 
• I have let capitalism and materialism dominate my braaing identity. 
• I am divorced from the cultual capital and resources of my ancestry. 

Being a BIP representive, I can no longer live with this sickening reality. I am therefore proposing an urgent BIP meeting in order to thrash out mutally acceptable rules of engagement for braaing. I also feel that this will go a long way to writing the first chapter of our braai book. On my part, I am proposing a non-Woolworths braai, and an engagement with the art of mealie meal/pap/sadza/iphutu.

I look forward to your urgent guidance in this regard.

Yours in BIP
Shaynomore